I’ve been visiting my folks, and have been sifting through everything in my old room. Â Here are the items listed in descending order:
1) Unfinished wooden spoon I made in woodshop freshmen year.
2) Original poster for the Magic Kidz Club, the club I ran in high school  with Mark “Magic Man” Bjerke.
3) Two of my favorite books from my childhood.
4) Laser Tag Score Sheets.
5) Two ugly old men finger puppets.
6) Watercolor test page, featuring tanks attacking teeth, circa 2010.
7) School work floppy disc from high school.
8) Photocopy of a samurai, not sure from when or where.
Proof that your high school self was infinitely cooler than my high school self.
Also I think it’s pretty clear (based on those finger puppets and your condiment-dependent lifestyle) that you need this:
http://www.starcrest.com/product/kitchen/gadgets/monsterfacecondimentdispensereach.do?search=basic&keyword=10-27650-9&sortby=newArrivals&page=1
I would have been the king of Prom if I’d had a smooth condiment device like that!