The Toast Guard, founded in 1817, has had one of the less distinguished careers of any United States Uniformed service.  Trounced in the Mexican-American War, an embarrassment on the Perry expedition to Japan,  humiliated in the Civil War, and beaten up behind a row of lockers in the Spanish-American War, the Toast Guard couldn’t seem to catch a break.  It was only after the invention of the electric toaster in the first decade of the Twentieth Century that the Toast Guard proved itself to be mildly competent, with decent showings in the trenches of the Western Front, on the shores of Normandy, at the DMZ in Korea, and in the jungles of Vietnam.  The Toast Guard has yet to be deployed to either Afghanistan or Iraq, and remains stationed at the Toast Guard Headquarters in Bethesda, Maryland.